NEWCOMER CORNER
* THE ACA BEGINNER’S GUIDE - A NEW HOPE (FROM THE ACA FLORIDA INTERGROUP):
ACA Fellow Travelers - From “A New Hope”
FELLOW TRAVELERS
Fellow Traveler Model: This Handbook takes to heart the 1989 ACA Sponsor-ship Committee's caution about the traditional AA sponsorship model when it states that it does not "adequately address the tendencies of the ACA per-sonality, namely our over-reliance on others for direction and approval and our tendency to try to manage someone else's life." Without a modification to that model, it was feared that a sponsor may dominate a sponsee who may be willing to give up personal freedom and choice. Therefore, that Committee recommended the "fellow traveler" or co-sponsor approach for healthy peer-to-peer recovery relationships in ACA. More recent ACA literature recommends that members choose the form of support that works for them, whether it is a sponsor, a fellow traveler, a co-sponsor, a recovery partner, or other term. In all forms of support, one person speaks honestly and openly with trust and the other person listens intently and speaks gently and lovingly, using the voice of the inner loving parent.
p.67
Chapter 15
FELLOW TRAVELERS
In our dysfunctional home environments, we learned not to talk or feel... and we leamed not to trust. In the absence of trust, many adult children developed a fear of authority in childhood (Traits 1 & 3), a desire to seek approval from those in authority (Irait zj, or reflexive reactions to fight against authority (Other Traits). Some of us tried to protect ourselves by using the power of authority and control against others (Other Traits). Perhaps we feared in ACA that we would find ourselves in similar unhealthy, exhausting relationships. Caught betweer the pain of isola-tion and paralyzing indecision, we may have wondered how we would ever learn to safely trust other people.
Connecting with fellow travelers in ACA can be a courageous first step in opening to ir timacy with others. As we bring our inner child into our lives, trusting another person with our most vulnerable selves can feel new and scary. We learn to trust others gradually and allow others to do the same. When we connect with fellow travelers, it may be the first emetior ally honest relationship we have ever had. We learn to ask for what we need honestly rather than use manipulation. We learn to communicate respectfully, follow through on commitments, and forgive in ways we were never taught, and perhaps believed impossible.
As we seek out support and offer help to others in our ACA recovery connections, we avoid taking responsibility for one another's recovery: We don't try to be a ther-apist, counselor, life coach, guru, or "parent" for anyone else-nor can we expect others to serve these roles in our healing process. The ACA Solution is to become our own loving parent. We share our experience, strength, and hope with one another... seeking answers and solutions together. We help each other understand program principles, language, and concepts. We encourage each other with repar enting work, Step work, and use of other program tools, techniques, and resources. Our most trusted fellow travelers support us in learning to feel our foelings deeply, to discover our authentic wants and needs, and to speak our truth and set bound-aries, In our fellowship, we hold space for each other as we break the old rules of family dysfunction: Don't talk-Don't trust Don't feel.
In ACA, we explore a diversity of supportive relationships within the framework of communal recovery. Some work with a sponsor, and some work with one or more fellow travelers. Regardless of our approach, ACA encourages us to create healthy support networks. We must come out of isolation to bring trust into our lives. We embrace the paradox that while no other person can do our recovery work for us, none of us can heal alone.
p. 44
Chapter 15
FELLOW TRAVELERS SUPPLEMENT
Building Trustworthy Connections in ACA
We seek to connect with other ACA fellow travelers who
can be supportive of us in our ACA reparenting/recovery work.
can be responsible for their own reparenting/recovery and own boundaries.
can be honest with themselves and others.
can be accountable by following through on commitments.
can be respectful by refraining from harsh judgment and personal criticism.
can, if needed, utilize outside resources for directive accountability with their primary addictions, compulsions, and obsessions, or other acting out behaviors.
We try to interact with others in these same trustworthy ways.
FELLOW TRAVELER ASPIRATIONS
As we do our ACA reparenting/recovery work and heal our Laundry Lists Traits behaviors, we seek to interact with others in healthier ways:
I can ask for help-l am not a burden.
I can know when to offer help-I am not obligated.
I can be open to others' experience, strength, and hope without seeking advice.
I can share my experience, strength, and hope instead of giving advice.
I can refrain from trying to please others I want to impress.
I can refrain from trying to intimidate others into seeking my approval.
I can avoid trying to find others to fix, save, or rescue me.
I can avoid trying to fix, save, or rescue others.
I can learn from others without making them an all-knowing authority.
I can share with others without thinking I am an all-knowing authority.
I can be free from the burdens of inferiority and grandiosity.
I can be equal in relationships with other people.
I can say yes when I want/need to and no when I want/need to.
I can maintain healthy boundaries.
I can be capable of selecting healthy people with whom to work my program.
"STRENGTHENING MY RECOVERY"
January 26
SPONSORSHIP
"Sponsorship is the vehicle by which we take the road less traveled to a true connection with others and a God of our understanding." BRB p. 368
Coming from a family of dysfunction, we developed a fear of authority. We learned early that our opinions, feelings, and attitudes were insignificant. The power belonged to the raging alcoholic, the enabling spouse, and any older children in the family who were given authority over us because they had been put in charge of most of our care. In alcoholic homes, the parents were too involved in fighting or manipulating each other over alcoholic rages and abusive behavior to care for us.
When we escaped, we vowed never to let another person control us; yet, we found ourselves either being the abuser or the dependent one in most relationships we developed, including working relationships, religious relationships, and friendships.
When we finally found ACA, for some of us, choosing a sponsor to help us work the Steps often lead to the same type of relationship we were familiar with. Then we discovered the "fellow traveler" model of sponsorship. We found this peer-to-peer concept helped keep us out of our people-pleasing or running-someone-else's-life behaviors. It put us on equal footing and allowed us to travel the road to recovery together.
On this day I will walk hand-in-hand with my fellow traveler so we can help each other recover on the less-traveled road.
* READY! SET! GO! (Workshop to prepare for 12 Step Work but can be taken any time).
HERE IS THE INFO FOR THE INTERGROUP THAT HOSTS THE WORKSHOP:
* HELPFUL WHATSAPP GROUPS OUTSIDE OF THE STEPPING STONES:
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